I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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