After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
