Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
