I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize