The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm both gender and math confused
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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