This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
