is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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