Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
