she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
