I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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