im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
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long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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