singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
