i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
