genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
