wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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