very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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