she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
