Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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