We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
