Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Randomize
