You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
