I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Randomize
