ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize