I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
