my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
why do cheetos always look like penises
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
