escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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