His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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