How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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