Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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