i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
