What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize