hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
