i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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