My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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