He had one of those small greek statue penises
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
