you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
