Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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