You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
