I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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