I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
