If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize