ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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