Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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