2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
