everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
So vagazzling was a success
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
