Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize