Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(319): View more from Iowa

addddeeerrraaaallll.

(641): View more from Iowa

ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.

Fav 14 1876 891
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(541): View more from Oregon

someone get that fucking seahorse.

Fav 20 3060 892
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(647): View more from Ontario

after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me

Fav 13 3929 1459
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(407): View more from Florida

So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.

Fav 11 4830 1301
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.

Fav 42 6028 1858
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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....

Fav 6 2737 873
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(443): View more from Maryland

Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis

(828): View more from North Carolina

How high are you exactly

Fav 2 971 467
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(352): View more from Florida

Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants

Fav 1 34 111
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