Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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