you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
