It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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