I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize