She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
