I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
