I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
