how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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