Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
