I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
