please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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