You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
