and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
