dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
