Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
