I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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