we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
