I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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