so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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