i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
