Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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