And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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