you guys were way drunker than both of me
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
