the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Randomize
