I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
