Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
