Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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