I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
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