and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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