We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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