He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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