Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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