I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize