Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
